You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
