If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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