I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
