OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
