Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
