hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
