Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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