she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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