Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
