guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
