This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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