Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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