if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I did not marry a roomba.
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