Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
