So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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