dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
