worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
