that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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