Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
