Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
