nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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