Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
