Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
