It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
