I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
