Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
