So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
