Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
