Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
