Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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