My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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