hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
