This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
