So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
