I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
