make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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