You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
