Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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