I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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