i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
