Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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