U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
