I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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