I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
