Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
