Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
