Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
