That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
