I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
someone owes me an orgasm
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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