We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
