i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
