I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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