You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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